Aug 212014

It required the prayers and mantras and good vibes of the entire universe…the stroke of God’s hand, the gentle comfort of all the saints & angels – and 28 pills every 24 hours but at least I’m beginning to look more like a human girl instead of a basketball…. and I’m beginning to FEEL more like a human girl instead of a fiery demon possessed by the wrath of hell…. YAY! At this point in the game, that’s really really great news.

The right side of my face has a new layer of fresh skin…smooth as a baby’s butt and whisker free. My lower teeth are once again visible and appear to be unscathed. (I’m still a bit disfigured and hoping my face will return to its previous old lady rubenesque, whiskery self)

And my respect for life is different now.

Pain changes a person

The relief I am feeling is equally as profound as the pain I was in. That is amazing to me. The impact my pain had on me is unspeakable. But more than that is the impact my pain had on others. Those who love me and those who barely know me… acquaintances and friends, family and co-workers, and those who have never met me except through words on the interwebs. I’ve written before about the ripple effect but it still takes me aback when I witness it.

I appreciate the time you all took leaving me comments, thinking of me, praying for me. Every word kept me going through those moments when I just wanted to die. I prayed for death. That’s scary.

Of course now I’m glad that prayer wasn’t answered!

Today is my sweet girl’s birthday. I remember those moments giving birth…the pain, the joy, the fear… she is one of the most right things I’ve done in my life. She is my power, my strength, my motivation. Without knowing it, she made me a better person.

Happy Thursday everyone. It’s a new day with new adventures…. Mine will be small ­– like returning to work for a ½ day – testing the waters. I pray my body & mind hold up. They will. They will.

I got this.

Aug 202014

Man o man has this been an evil ride over the past week. And there’s really not any end in sight just yet. I’m better though. There’s that.

The neuro put me on oxcarbazepin which has cut the nerve pain by about 80% so at least I no longer want to kill myself. You’re probably thinking “she’s kidding”…but I’m not. For anyone who has the good fortune to miss out on this level of pain… count your blessings. This is not something I could ever fully describe in a way that would provide any accurate level of comprehension. No way at all. The inability to sleep or eat hasn’t helped the situation.

I think that every state should consider doing away with the death penalty. Simply give them TN and stick them in a cell with no meds or any help. That would be more brutal than death.

So, now I’m on Day 12. I’m about 35% better than I was. That’s something.

I’ve lost about 9 pounds. My face is receiving a good peel so by the time this over I will look younger and fresher…pft. And the big one – my whiskers are sticking straight out making plucking much easier! You know you have to take the silver linings where you can find them.

Coach has taken wonderful care of me…bless his heart. My timing couldn’t have been worse. Football is well underway… long meetings, two-a-days, scrimmage games. And he’s somehow managing to do all that and take care of me. The football family has been wonderful through all this as well. Coach & I are foreigners down here. The football family is all we have. And they’ve been great. Getting me to the pharmacy, offering to assist with whatever we /I need, sending Coach home early to check on me… I’m very grateful.


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