Dec 132012

-I was so happy to wake up this morning, even if Beulah was in the bed tormenting me long before the alarm clock was due to ring. I just knew I would die in my bed because I had an enormous aneurysm in my head. Yesterday was spent with the most horrid, pounding, unable to breathe headache. It was reminiscent of the LP headache of 2010… I was completely useless for about 14 hours… every time I moved or turned my head, it was with great trepidation. At times, the pain was so intense that I reached up to touch my head and was afraid my hand would come away covered in blood or spinal fluid or something. I tried every trick in my book to ease the pain but nothing worked. Finally, it was bedtime. I fought sleep for a little while thinking I may not wake up this morning. Alas, here I am! My head aches and is tender but the horrid pain is gone…. I hope I’m not speaking too soon.

-It has been amazingly cold around here the past few days. Yesterday morning we woke up to temps in the low 40’s…brr! I love it! Of course, today we start eeking our way back up and by Sunday we are supposed to be back up to 86… pft. While 86 is not hot, the temp swings sure wreak havoc with my body. Walk, no walk, walk, no walk… think, stumble, think, idiot. Man.

-My brain continues to work in its own way. In some ways, it’s almost humorous. I sit here and a though starts to formulate… then poof! It’s gone. Just like that. Before the thought has even formed past the embryonic stages of development, it just simply disappears as if there was no conception at all. It’s like there’s this sludge in my head that senses the birth of a thought and just engulfs it completely, smothering it and absorbing it into its sludginess. I can “feel” it happen… I’m very aware of it happening – which is odd since that awareness in itself is a thought of sorts. I can almost visualize it happening… I see the sludge oozing towards the thought embryo… I see the sludge reach the embryo, enveloping it and then the mind is just a blank… big empty blank. The empty dark room where the thought embryo was… it sort of echoes in there. The humor is that when I begin to sense the sludge oozing towards the thought, my brain becomes sort of frantic trying to complete the thought and spew it out before it’s smothered in sludge… of course, that only serves to jumble the thought even more. The end result is a partial word, maybe a partial sentence, and sometimes it’s all spewed out, erupting from my pie hole in a jumbled & frantic mess. Now that’s what I call effective communication! (it has taken me an inordinate amount of time to write this post)

-I spent quite a bit of time on the phone with my lawyer Wednesday. They have already filed for an appeal hearing before the judge. It could take up to 6 months to get on the docket. Shit. At a minimum, 6 more months of living in this black hole. Oh well. I was told in no way should I consider a job, fill out applications, or do anything at all in that area. The only thing I’ve done is set up a shop on Etsy. I’ve posted some photos and a few drawings there. We’ll see how that goes. (If you’re interested, you can click on that Etsy badge thing over there in the sidebar). I am going to spend some time with my PCP this afternoon… the lawyer sent him a 7 page form to fill out which describes my limitations and disability. Gee, that sounds fun right?

-Now, there is something that quite possibly is inappropriate to share here in too much detail. Let me just say that pausing men are causing changes in my body that I’m not so sure I enjoy. Things are shifting and taking up residence in new locations on my body, certain organs are in operating in super hyper function mode right now (gosh, how long will that last? Surely I’m hovering near the line of anemia), my thermostat is all jacked up – hot cold hot cold, sweat dry sweat dry – combine that with the aforementioned weather and you get a climatic mess. My beard is getting more wooly by the day… if only the hair on my head grew as fast as my beard… dang! The only blessing in all of this, so far anyway, is the lack of mood swings. I stay consistently goofy.

-I can’t remember a time when I’ve been invited to Christmas parties. Of course, I was always working in a job that didn’t allow for holidays so that may or may not have something to do with it. Or it could have been due to my inappropriate sharing of thoughts, or maybe my dark sense of humor, or even because of the hermit status of my life. But this year, we have a few parties on our calendar. The first is coming up on Sunday. Our contribution to the meal will be German style potatoes. I have to make those this weekend. I haven’t mashed taters in a very long time. Coach may have to help with that part as the mashing action will most likely be too much for my addled body.

-It’s 7:20 and about time for the morning nap. I know… pitiful. I’ve been up for just over 2 hours though (which is about normal for me… awake for a few hours, sleep a few). I have a list of things to do this afternoon… doctor, print the item that was already purchased from my Etsy shop (yay!), hit the post office to mail said purchase, grab a roll of quarters and get some laundry done. Tonight will be dinner followed by coffee while watching the elimination round on X-Factor.

-Have a wonderful day you guys!


Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  3 Responses to “Writing Through the… Um…”

  1. Ow. OW! I could barely stand to read about your headache. It’s just as well you weren’t able to describe it any better than you did! I hope it’s gone, and you get to enjoy any holiday festivities that come your way.

  2. My heart goes out to you with the vile my head is going to explode thing. Been there, done that, hate the t-shirt. I hope it eases off completely for you. Soon.

    Wild temperatures swings (and we are also having them) do my body in as well. Yesterday (and dammit I had to be out in it) we hit the mid 30s (Centigrade). This is about fifteen or more degrees over my comfort level. When I arrived home it was without my brain and I was so tired and so hot I felt sick. And seriously considered it.

    Empathetic hugs from around the world. Or across it if that is faster.

  3. Just a hug. x

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