Oct 022012

The past few days have been sort of disconcerting for me. My mind…. it ain’t what it used to be. And it’s getting worse. I’m really praying this is only temporary but since it’s happened before, I’m not holding out much hope.

I am having a very hard time processing information. The computer in my head collects the data, sees it, hears it, smells it… but it can make no sense out of it. I notice it’s worse with spoken communication. Reading is a bit difficult, watching TV requires lots of rewinding (thank goodness for DVR). I know how frustrating it must be for Coach. I KNOW how frustrating it is for me. I sort of look at him with this blank stare when he talks to me. Most of the time I have to ask him “what?”… once he repeats it 2 or 3 times, my brain finally kicks in and can process what he’s saying. I don’t like this one bit. Of all the symptoms, I think the cognitive ones scare me the most right now.

I finally got an appointment with the new neurologist down here in the valley. I hate that I have to go see someone new but I can’t do the drive by myself to see my good ol doctor. So….

Also, I got a call from the lawyer’s office yesterday. It sounds like either today or tomorrow I will go sign the contracts required to call him my disability lawyer. This whole entire process just really stinks. The money is taken from me so quickly but trying to get it back is near impossible. And it’s my money afterall. Sheesh.

Coach & I are both suffering from some allergy issues right now. It’s pretty funny at times. We have a sneezing symphony going on in the tin can. The most annoying of it all though is the watery eyes. I feel like I’m crying all the time… and since I do that anyway, well this just sort of makes it a bit worse.

I find that I’m very jealous of breast cancer awareness month. I’m inundated with pink. Everywhere I look, everything is pink. I’m jealous. How come we don’t see this much orange, or purple, or any other color during whatever awareness month? The head coach told the players he won’t have it. They can wear one pink armband but he won’t allow them to go overboard with it all. I agree & disagree at the same time. Coach told one of the kids who was all decked out in pink yesterday that he had better see him all decked out in orange in March. Way to go Coach!

I guess I just wish that we got the same amount of media coverage & recognition for MS as the cancer folks get. I don’t think it will ever happen though. The rate at which people are dx’d with MS is much lower than that of cancer. It’s not a popular disease. Unfortunate that any disease has to be popular.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! My day was nothing out of the ordinary. At the end of the day, we didn’t get to go out for dinner or anything. Coach didn’t get off work in time. I pouted. I don’t know why. I don’t really need to celebrate birthdays anymore. I’m old enough to be past that. But somehow, it makes a person feel good to have a little something special on the anniversary of their birth. Maybe next year.

I’ve been working on lots of pictures. I haven’t been posting them here though. I figure most of you don’t give a rat’s ass about looking at hundreds of football or volleyball pictures LOL I have reorganized the menu system of the “photos” tab. Every week I add the game photos there. So if for some odd reason you are interested, you can visit over there and take a look. I wish I could figure out how to do an RSS feed for that page but so far, no luck.

It’s naptime…. see you on the flip side!

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  9 Responses to “The Computer That Is My Mind”

  1. So with you here. The cognitive issues scare the crap out of me. And some of them are a part of my life. And I grieve for what I have already lost, and dread what may be ahead.
    MS isn’t sexy. Breast cancer gets a heap more attention than say, gastro-instestinal cancer. Or lung cancer where people assume (rightly or wrongly) that it is the person’s own fault.
    All those years ago I was diagnosed in MS awareness week. Queue bitter laughter.
    Sending hugs. We are all in this together..

    • I hadn’t thought of it as being sexy but I can see now that must be a part of it. I mean, millions of men wearing pink in support of breasts. Makes perfect sense to me LOL

      I hate the cognitive stuff. I really don’t want to lose my mind. I’ve always been sort of proud of it. I think I could deal with the loss of physical things before the mind…. I guess there’s no choice in the matter though…we get what we get…

  2. Ah I would welcome you to the brain fog cog issue club but saying sorry would be more appropriate. I think your correct on the not a popular disease thing but I shall add that I look like crap in orange, orange is not a popular cool color. It is one of warning, road cones, construction zones, bio hazard stickers, etc. not that that is not fitting but?

    Hope the visit to the new neuro is a positive one.

    • Yeah, you are right… orange really isn’t a pretty color… at least not that bright ass orange. I like the darker more burnt oranges… I can do those LOL

      I don’t like this club at all…. I’ve had some cog issues on & off the whole time but this is entirely different. It’s not like missing a word or losing a thought…. it’s like living in a foreign country trying to figure out what everyone is talking about… I don’t like it one little bit haha I guess there is more entertainment from Sherri on the horizon hahaha

      • It is very confusing especially when more than one thing is going on around me. I love the DVR recorder I hardly ever watch a show live anymore it is so much easier to be able to rewind when I loose track of what I was watching. I started using the closed captions because of my ear deal and you know what? right now reading what they are saying during the show is helping my comprehension of the it – go figure.

  3. I really don’t suffer from the cognitive issues, but at one point, during a very stressful time, I found myself in that sort of haze. Fortunately, it passed and I didn’t have to deal with it again. I know it’s difficult watching other diseases get so much attention, but I still think it’s a matter of marketing not numbers. I know how it feels when our birthday passes with no real fanfare.

    • You are probably entirely right… poor marketing is at play here.

      I’m glad you don’t have to deal with the matters of the broken mind. You have the physical stuff to deal with…. you don’t need the mind stuff too. That didn’t sound the way I want/meant it to but I can’t think of another way to say what I mean LOL Sheesh.

  4. I have no words. I usually try to joke and kid with you to keep your mind off things, but after getting slapped in the face last week, joking don’t seem right. I do have a hug though.

    • You have been an integral part of my support system through this mess. I only wish that I had the words to be the same support right now for you. What you & your family are dealing with is devastating! I’ve got hugs for you too.

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