Most of my life I have known that I’m different.
As a kid, I didn’t really fit into any group, and really didn’t want to. I rarely, if ever, participated in school events…I just didn’t have the patience for it. My grades weren’t so good in high school. But then again, I didn’t really care about doing the work. I had a few boyfriends but not many… I take that back…I had one true boyfriend. There were a few guys I went on a date or two with but frankly, I was quite bored with them. Except for that ONE….he was great to me. I think as much as we knew how, we loved each other.
All throughout school, I never realized I was smart. I figured I was just kind of average…I thought I was blending into the walls…and that was fine. Because I really didn’t fit. At home, I didn’t receive much encouragement in the smarts department either. What I remember hearing is that I needed to find someone to marry that would be able to take care of me. When I think about that now, I’m sure it was meant in a good way…not that I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself, but that it would be nice to have the security of someone who could “take care of me”, allowing me to pursue whatever it was I wanted.
What I really wanted was to attend college…journalism was what I wanted to study…and I imagined myself joining the Peace Corps and being a freelance journalist. I dreamed of going to Columbia…but of course I didn’t have the grades. So I figured I could go to University of Houston and study journalism there. I also wanted to continue photography classes so I could be a traveling, self-contained, freelance journalist.
None of that happened. I was very insecure. I had absolutely ZERO confidence in myself…..
(to be continued…)