Feb 082012

…… is how i choose to think of myself right now…

i am definitely rubenesque… and i’m looking forward to metamorphosing into a beautiful butterfly in the next few months… preferably one that is not quite so rotund…

(i know… that’s some pretty sappy imagery… failed attempt at flowery creative writing)

that will be about 50 pounds from now… keeping my fingers crossed…

(imagine 50 cans of crisco stacked up in the room… that’s how much fat i have lathered on to this body)

i have NO will-power left. that’s not to say that i don’t have will-power, because i do. it’s just that it gets all used up getting out of bed most mornings. you see,  the beast that lives within my head is hungry ….and that big ugly thing simply requires more will-power than my brain can produce in a day…

all my life i have sought comfort in food… one can only imagine how much comforting i have indulged in since i was diagnosed 17 months ago… eek

prior to the day life ended as i knew it, i was struggling with weight… but i was doing so good! i was eating healthy, i was working out in the weight room (training for power lifting meets with coach)…. then, well, that all went away. the morning my feet wouldn’t move forever changed everything about my existence.

now 17 months later i am ready to find something new and quite possibly give up comfort food… maybe… well mostly. i’m tired of feeling and looking like an over-indulged tick… you know the ones… they look as if they are going to simply explode at any moment, sending 1/2 digested animal blood all over everything within at least a 2 foot radius

so i signed up with weight watchers… a week ago… so far i haven’t been able to keep under my daily points – BUT i also haven’t gone over on my weekly extra points… so i guess it balances out? maybe? at any rate, i managed to slough off 3 pounds… not sure where it’s missing from but i would venture to guess it’s from some irrelevant place like my third toe on the right foot… of course it wouldn’t be from a crucial area such as tummy 1 or tummy 2…. sheesh

*the really cool thing about WW? no food is off limits… truly… i can continue eating the things i enjoy and that in and of itself is wonderously fantabulous!
Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  13 Responses to “rubenesque caterpillar”

  1. Well Sherri, you are gonna do it, you are gonna succeed. You know why? Because you can and you deserve to feel “more better” and when you succeed then I will be able to believe that I can do it too. I have sugar. Yes. Sugar. bags of sugar. 5 lbs yellow sugar bags – 12 to be exact – a dozen bags I schlep around, that my knees hold up and my heart and lungs scream at me about. Sp girl, I’m cheering you on and believe in you since I no longer believe in myself. I may have been Ruebenesque at one time. Voluptuous even- now I am just walking rolls of fat.
    Fusck – this was about you right. Not me. sorry. this is such a sensitive subject.

  2. urr, umm, Ok all I have is great visual the can of crisco? If I ate a can would my boobs get bigger?

  3. I am not overweight, I am undertall. Except that to be a healthy weight I think I would need to be a fairly large tree. Sigh. And I am making my own small steps by going back to the pool more regularly.
    Good luck on your journey.

  4. Every time I’ve ever lost weight, people tell me they can see it in my face. I tell them to let me know when they can see it in my ass.

  5. three pounds of hamburger look pretty big to me—I personally have called my self–“big boned-ed” or “big girl–where there is meat..there is heat.” I’ve lost 70 pounds over the past three years….slow and steady…..hang in there, be kind to yourself and go slow and steady. You are worth taking care of you–but remember—everyone needs a day of comfort every once in a awhile. keep it up.l.

  6. I don’t see 50 cans of Crisco, I see 50 cans of beautiful.

  7. I do like the word Rubenesque though!

  8. Ooo! Ouch. You are being very, very hard on yourself. We all have our vices when under stress and going through a major life change. A diagnosis with M.S. traumatic and if you have sought comfort in food you are normal. If you saw a picture of a friend would you think of her as an over indulged tick? Don’t think of yourself that way. xoxo

    • oh barbara i have always been very hard on me… sort of in my nature… i think reverting to the lashing of me and weight helps to divert my attention away from the MS… maybe ha i do think i’ll feel better about myself if i don’t feel so frumpy and tickish

  9. In my not so vast experience with weight loss, the first thing to go are the boobs … alas.

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