Apr 172012

there aren’t any words of wisdom or great insights to the world of neurologic disorders… only that there is some road they call acceptance (i personally haven’t found it yet- i don’t think) that we are supposed to travel. i think the end of that road is a place called “new normal”.

there are times when i think i have may found it and turned the right way at that stop sign…but then i find out that, NOPE, not the right road or the right turn… and i turn around and go back… i thought i had visited “new normal” but now i’m not so sure… unless of course, i was there and was booted out for misconduct or something ha!

start all over again… one hell of a road trip though

i sit here today and wonder – do i really want to find that road called acceptance? not really i don’t… but i think i have to. i think it’s crucial to my well-being. since i haven’t yet found it and made that journey – well, i end up hurting myself…i try so hard to continue on with my life as i know it, making minimal adjustments when i really should be making larger changes to my day-to-day routines… i don’t know if i’m living in denial or if i just can’t figure out how/where to make the changes in my routines, but either way, i keep doing things that tend to beat my ass up….

i want to forget… i want to be free of this… i want to feel good… just good..not great…just good…

today is maybe the day that coach finds out if he’s still a coach or not…. we’ve been anxious about this day for a while, well, since this new head coach was hired. i cannot imagine him not being a coach but i guess we’ll cross the bridges as they are laid out in front of us….

what’s the most profound regret of all a life?

“being in a hurry. getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. i cannot think of a single advantage i’ve ever gained from being in a hurry. but a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing… through all that haste i thought i was making up time. it turns out i was throwing it away,” confesses a pastor.

it strikes me that when i read these quotes that it sort of applies to what i’ve written… i started writing this post last night before falling asleep… this morning i finished up and added the quote of the day….

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  8 Responses to “roads and bridges”

  1. On my MS blog I have said I can acknowledge it, but I will never accept it.

    Some people have challenged me over this, saying life is a lot easier when you accept things. Maybe it is just semantics, but in my mind accepting MS almost means giving in to it. And I am going to fight it until my dying breath. I can recognize everything it has stolen from me and all the limitations on my life but I will never be able to say “ok” to it.

    That said, I do work at finding ways to cope with the disease like meditation and prayer and my all time favorite, drugs, lol, but acceptance? Nope.

  2. Acceptance. I suppose. I still want a life not an existence and that means that sometimes I do too much and I pay for it. I work on what I call the pain/gain equation. I look at something I want/need to do and try and work out whether the pain I will be in later is worth the gain from the experience.
    This allows me to postpone housekeeping often. I know I will suffer, but it just isn’t worth the suffering to live in a spot less house. On my death bed I do not want to be saying ‘I wish I had spent more time cleaning’. And I can’t see that being a happening thing anyway.

    • oh yes! who gives a rat’s arse about a clean house?! i’m the same way… i would much rather do things that i enjoy instead of using up my spoons cleaning the stupid house LOL

  3. If I were a better friend I would have the right words to say here. But alas, I fail miserably……..

  4. “one hell of a road trip” Yep.

    As for acceptance? Acknowledgement is as good I can achieve.

  5. Thoughtful post Sherri. Nearly 12 years since my DX and I don’t view what I’ve come to as acceptance. It’s more a resignation to an unwanted reality and a constant state of mourning of losses, too many losses. Since the symptoms and their effects alter every aspect of my being, it’s impossible to arrive at a new normal. Some moments are just better than others. I try to keep myself sane with creative distraction to avoid being mired in hopelessness by the sheer scope of this disease and I cherish the memory that when I was able to participate fully in life it was with an exuberance that still makes me smile. I consider myself a realistic optimist – I face reality and still manage hope. Sending good vibes for you and the coach :).
    Stay inspired!

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