Jul 032011
 

#000000;">a while back I wrote about my #000000;">forever friend#000000;">….

#000000;">she’s back…. sort of…. I got a call from kiddo yesterday and she was telling me that she ran into forever friend while out the night before…. forever friend was asking how I am doing and all…

#000000;">she told kiddo that she has come to terms with my MS and is ready to talk with me now…

#000000;">SHE has come to terms with MY ms….

#000000;">now I understand that for those who love me, well, this is a lot to take in… it’s a lot to deal with.. it’s sad… it’s awful.. it’s not fair… I don’t deserve this…. lots of things like that….

#000000;">and I know that on some level everyone around me must come to terms with my MS to some degree…. but, somehow that statement sort of made me angry… is that unfair? being honest about my feelings here…

#000000;">when I told her last October that I have MS, I thought I would have her in my corner of support…. I thought that she would be one of my rocks…. that’s sort of what we’ve been for each other all these years…. but I was wrong… I never heard from her – well until February when I sent her a text message…. then it was a brief text conversation and then nothing again… until yesterday….

#000000;">she is ready now….

#000000;">one part of me is elated… my friend… one of the very few people in this world who know me better than anyone… sometimes better than I know myself… but another part of me is still hurt and feeling abandoned…

#000000;">when she was talking to kiddo she asked when I would be in town… that was today… she asked that I send her a message so we could meet…talk…. and I did… she was out of town… and returning late afternoon…. after we were headed home…

#000000;">so another time…. we’ll see….

#000000;">in the meantime, I finished a couple of crosses today… they were requested and will ultimately be tattoos I think….

#000000;">one is for kiddo… she is definitely getting her cross tattooed… and instead of the white spaces inside the design, they will be orange… in honor of me… and my MS…. sweet kiddo…

#000000;">Ashely Cross 1#000000;">Ashely Cross 2

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  10 Responses to “return of the forever friend”

  1. I remember being concerned about everyone else when I was diagnosed. Not just my husband, but my parents and my sister…how awful for them to see this happen to me.

    I got over that pretty fast. It was like I was grieving for their loss instead of grieving for my own loss.

    On a friend note…I didn’t think that anyone was treating me different. Then one day, I complained to our closest friends that our gang of four (2 couples) was kind of boring…we weren’t doing anything fun. I was SHOCKED to hear that they (the other couple) never suggested we do anything because of MY MS.

    WHAT?!

    What kind of load was that to drop on me…and why were they even thinking that way?

    I forget where I was going with this…crap.

    Oh well…maybe you can draw something from it…

    Emily

  2. One of the things I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older (and maybe wiser) is that sometimes I have to look at friendship and ask myself if I’m getting as much out of it as I’m putting into it. If the answer is no, it’s probably time to let it go. When that happens, I remain friendly if I can, but stop putting the effort into being friends.

    • that’s a good way to look at it… thank you for sharing this with me…

      it’s hard to keep putting in the work to maintain something that may not ever be what it once was. i would never be ugly or unfriendly to her…but i just don’t have the energy to chase her down…. ok, not “chase”, but you know what i mean….

      basically i guess what i’m saying is… if she wants to be in my life then she will have to do that… i can’t

  3. I guess, being a Libra, I tend to look at the other persons point of view. You had lorsmof emotions when you learn of your diagnosis. If you to were very close, she could have went through the same process you did. Maybe it just took longer for her to work through it than it did you. I would give her the benefit of a doubt until I actually had a frank talk with her and found out what exactly happened.

    • this is my struggle… i’m Libra too… i look for balance and do what i can to keep it all harmonious…. lol we try to keep it all happy and roses

      i know that she had many emotions to work through…. no doubt about that… i guess i just thought it was something we would work through together, just as we have all the other major events in our lives…

      and i will always give the benefit of the doubt… and i will always speak with her…i just don’t have the energy left to be the one always trying to make the contact with no response…. it hurts each and every time….

  4. While I can understand your desire to reconnect with this “friend”, the mere fact that she says that now SHE is ready to deal with your diagnosis troubles me. Honestly, I never thought about how your diagnosis affected me other than making the conscious decision to get and remain closer to you so that I could be another source of support for you. I wish your friendship well.

    • thank you Lillian… this means so much to me. I too am troubled by her comments to kiddo… my feelings are hurt… my mind is confused over this… I will certainly talk this over with her…but I am not going to make the contact… I must protect myself at this point from emotional distress where ever I can…

      you have been a constant source of support and friendship to me, even before the MS entered the picture… and I appreciate you more than you know… thank you!

  5. I first wrote about how friends fall away when we encounter chronic illness in a post in the Fall of 2009. Looking back, I was more toned down and kinder than I’d be now. I had yet to experience repeatedly the friends who reconnected (Facebook, LinkIn, etc) and then turned and ran when they heard the news. Or those who noted how difficult it was to hear and process it (yeah, well, it’s a tad challenging to live it). Back in the brain tumor diagnosis days, I ended up comforting more than one friend.

    Having experienced how flimsy many folks are about things like MS, brain tumors, chronic illness, I don’t have much patience for their delicateness anymore. I’m working on truly letting go when I encounter that. Although an important 21 year relationship, well, I hope you can heal and reconnect if that’s what is right for you.

    On the flip side, it is truly amazing to see who not only stays but wants to be involved in your life, eh? At least it has been for me. I would have lost if I’d tried to predict.

    Take care, Donna

    • you are so right Donna… it has been quite amazing to see who sticks around and who leaves… some instant others more gradually removing themselves from my life… and that’s okay… I know this is tough… I know this is not something that allows others to go on living life with the idea that bad things don’t happen to them, or those they know…. the reality is that bad things can happen to anyone… anytime….

      the length of our friendship is amazing…she has been in my life longer than any other person….

      all i needed from her was continued friendship… support when things got a bit tough.. and the most important thing is that life goes on… i guess she thought that MS would change me or that our friendship would be about nothing except my disease… I just don’t know…. I don’t know what to think….

      time will tell….

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