#000000;">-I was very happy this morning when I stepped on my scale…. 12 pounds gone… TWELVE! In 3 weeks. Now if I can just keep going… It’s been hard but not so hard that I’ve slipped off the wagon too many times. I’ve splurged a few times but nothing major. My blood sugar has been holding steady in the 120-160 range. It could be better but it’s already better than it was. I’ve been eating mostly protein with a dab of salad or green beans or something on the side. Hamburger meat, John Soules fajita meat, chicken, tuna fish….
#000000;">**EDIT: I just checked my BS after dinner tonight… 112.. the lowest it’s been in several weeks!
#000000;">-Now if I could just kick this stupid cold. My head is a bit less congested today… but that only means one thing. It’s moved to the chest. I’ve been coughing like a maniac all day long. Everything hurts from coughing. My abs are getting one hell of a work out… that six pack is going to be very well defined by the time I’m over this shit. Needless to say, my bladder remains empty… or in a state of emptying… TMI I know.
#000000;">-We have a new channel on our TV lineup… ID… I like it. It’s mostly detective, investigative, homicide, 48 hours type shows. I enjoy those. I like the puzzles, but I don’t really like what the stories are about. It’s a shame there is so much evil in this world.
#000000;">-Some thoughts I’ve been struggling with the past few months- I stopped making art. (Although I don’t know that what I was doing would be considered art.) I was trying to create things in an effort to give myself some purpose in my day. Since becoming ill, I feel like a useless slug. No matter how often I’m told I’m not a slug, that I have purpose, that I’m important and add something to each day, I don’t feel that way. Not yet. I’ve been working on it. Positive talks to myself and all that but still…. no luck. I’m not very persuasive with myself. Sketching, writing, and taking pictures… it gives me some sort of purpose. I was clinging to it with all my might. And now I have no motivation to do it. I know it will come back again. I think much of it has to do with the failure of my hand to hold a pencil/brush/pen for more than a few minutes at a time. I’m hoping this is a symptom that will get better eventually. I miss it but don’t know how to start again. I wake up each morning and try to get motivated. I drink my coffee and look at all the sketching websites, gesture drawing stuff, the books I’ve collected…. I look at my inks, pencils, notebooks… and then I play that stupid bejeweled game. I need to make a better plan. Maybe if I set a specific time to pick up a pencil and a specific time to put the pencil down. Just 15 minutes. No pressure. Just make lines. Maybe the juices will start flowing again. That is what I’m going to do. Tomorrow morning. I will do it.
#000000;">-I hate slumps.
#000000;">-I’m a dreamer. I bought 5 quick picks for tonight’s powerball drawing. It would such an amazing thing to actually win something. I know I won’t . But this little voice somewhere deep in my addled brain tells me “someone has to win”…. so why not. Tonight at 10PM while watching television, if my numbers are chosen, I will most likely wet, then mess my pants… and then promptly keel over unconscious in disbelief. Once Coach is able to arouse me, I know that sleep will not be anywhere near me for days. I will have pen & paper out, making plans, notes, lists, bills, investments, more plans. Who will I give money to? Who will I set up trusts for? I have some pretty good ideas already. But it’s a dream that has next to no possible odds of coming true for me. Have you ever thought about what you would do if you won some big honkin’ chunk of cash?
#000000;">-It’s fun to dream.