It’s been a really long time since I’ve been here. Longer than previous stretches. There’s a couple of
reasons excuses problems things that prevented me from being here…
Crappy internet – up, down, up, down… connect, disconnect… it’s been just awful
MS – bleh. The beast is acting up… More on that in a minute
Work – so much time spent reading, researching, and writing on the job means I don’t want to do more of it at home…
Ok… the MS thing. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. The same ol’ symptoms flaring up a bit mostly… until a few days ago. I woke up one morning and the world was spinning. Out of control. Sitting at an unusual angle on its axis. I can’t recall a time ever when I have experienced dizziness like this. And dizzy doesn’t really explain what’s going on at all.
The word dizzy… a child with outstretched arms spinning in circles… round and round and round… stop! Stumble, giggle, fall… get up and do it over again. That’s what dizzy is to me. And that’s not even close to what is going on in my head.
There’s this sensation of motion along with the dizzy. It’s sort of similar to that feeling just after getting off a really fantastic roller coaster. The balance isn’t quite right, things are moving but not moving.
Only that doesn’t really describe what’s happening either.
I think the best way I can describe it … a funhouse. The floors are tilted, but not only tilted… they move too. Left tilt, right tilt… The handrails move up and down, forwards and backwards. The crazy swirly mirrors are all around. And flashing lights to add to the sense of motion and confusion. Yeah, the funhouse… drunk on MD 20/20. That’s it. Except without the carnival.
The first few days were just plain awful. The sensations were so severe I was actually nauseous… upchucking once or twice to make the experience complete. Then it started to settle down a bit… or did I just adjust to it? I’m on the fourth day of this garbage now… I’m still in that blasted funhouse but I’ve figured out how to position my head in such a way that the world isn’t moving in abnormal ways.
I noticed last night that I’m walking like a drunk driver. I’m failing miserably at staying in my own lane!
Along with this funhouse, there is pain. Neck, spine… just between the shoulder blades. I’m guessing it’s a relapse. It fits the criteria. Not much to do about it though… just trudge along and make the best of it. Do what I can to stay safe. My ass is quite tired of meeting the ground. So far I haven’t hurt myself … or anyone else.
Football is over. It always amazes me how fast it comes and how fast it goes. This season was amazing. That 0-10 team from last year? This year… 2nd year program… they were 5-5. That’s pretty incredible! And next year will be even better. So now Coach has a bit of time off, sort of. Next up is baseball… starts after the Christmas break.
There are many more photos on the Sabercat page.
Let’s see… what else.
I bought a new lens to replace the broken one. I’m complete once again… a happy girl.
I saw the photos from the big exercise I organized back in August. I’m disgusted with myself. I’m fat. Unbelievably fat. Tonight when I get home… I’m sewing my mouth shut. I cannot believe I’ve let myself get to this point. I’m … I’m… hell. Crying.