Oct 012013

The moment of realization that your ass is fixing to hit the ground is … well, I’m not sure what it is. It’s definitely a moment though. In fact, it’s a long enough moment that planning starts to happen. How to turn the body this way or that and choose the part of body that will make first impact… hopefully turning to the part with the most cushion to it.

Also in that moment, I start thinking about the pain I’m about to feel… and I hope above all else that I don’t seriously injure myself – broken bones, gushing lacerations, head knocks rendering me unconscious. All the while, I try to figure out the distance between the spot of probable impact and the location of my phone.

Murphy (that’s a fun little sight.. you wouldn’t regret clicking it) dictates that it must be at least 12 feet away in order for a fall to occur.

The humiliation almost settles in before impact. As I calculate the probability of being able to get to the phone while suffering major fall injury, I become embarrassed and hate the idea of telling someone I need assistance getting my ass up off the floor.

The falling motion itself is an odd sensation. It’s a total loss of control even though those planning thoughts are running through the mind. Because as I do my best to twist and turn, nothing is really happening. My ass is hitting the ground however gravity dictates it should. And just to be clear, it’s not always the ass that hits.

For instance, tonight it was the face/chest/hands/elbows/hips/knees/feet. Too many points of impact there. And they all hurt like hell right now.

The downside of the planning attempts is that even though the body doesn’t really move this way or that as planned, the muscles attempt to make it happen. And then they are rudely jolted upon impact causing the contracted muscles to scream in agony for about 1/2 second.

Impact is quite startling. I think I try to convince myself that even though I’m fully aware of falling because I can feel the loss of control and the motion of my body going down quickly, I try to make it stop mid-motion, or mid-air. Or something. I fully believe I’m not falling or that it’s not happening. And then impact.

I’ve been quite wonky and wobbly the past several days. I’ve had a great deal of pride in not falling, going slowly, using extra caution.

I guess pride reared up and bit me in the ass tonight. Lovely.

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  17 Responses to “On Falling”

  1. Oh dear. Been there, done that. I suppose, in a twisted way, an advantage of not being able to stand up is that I don’t fall anymore. I remember the feeling when I’d realize I was on the way down, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, and it seemed like it took forEVER! I remember the absolute humiliation of falling in the middle of a busy street when I was walking with friends from work. Bad bad bad. I remember when I used to ride horses, decades ago, how we joke about how the ground was always down there – you can’t miss it. Not so funny anymore.

    Seriously, kiddo, if you’re falling, see a physical and/or occupational therapist about how to make it not happen. The ground’s down there, you can’t miss it… but crashing into it is not fun!

    • I feel wobbly most days but have done really well at managing the falling bit. But sometimes, when the world is sitting a bit tilted on it’s axis, well I hit the ground. I’m glad I was at work so there was no instant humiliation with my co-workers running to my aid! LOL

      We have a couple of rehab facilities on site and I’ve talked to them some about therapy. I go see my neuro on Friday and was thinking of asking for a script for some PT.

      I miss running, skating, riding horses, riding motorcycles… all those wonderful things that cause wind to blow my hair and create a feeling of freedom. I dreamed last night that I danced….. ugh.

  2. Sorry about your fall; I’m assuming it was at work. I hope you weren’t hurt or too shaken to finish your day. These things happen, but take care. (I know you will).

  3. I absolutely hate falling, and you describe it so well. In the past several years, I’ve only fallen during the month of March. Go figure!

    • Were you marching in March? LOL I have figured out ways to keep from falling as often but sometimes it just happens. I’m really very careful about walking, turning, twisting… and never look up. That does me in very quickly!

  4. I’m sorry that you had to go through that. Every time I walk over a curb I’m afraid that that is what is going to happen to me and I have to say that the embarrassment thought process is the first to set in. I really enjoyed reading this blog. It was very well written.

  5. “Wonky and Wobbly” describes me, too-glad your working on it too!

  6. You tell this story so well. I’m sorry you fell and hope you recover quickly. How brave you are to keep going! Seriously. I think after a few falls my pride would make it very difficult for me to push on and get up.

    • My pride is dinked for a bit after a fall… thankfully, most of my falls have been in the privacy of my own home. I’ve fallen a few times at work in my office…alone. I like it that way LOL

  7. Ackkkk, so sorry to hear about the fall(s). I have been flat out on the ground more than on my feet lately.

  8. Ouch. Having planted my face in the road a few years ago, you have all my sympathies. It sucks.
    I hope your bruises and abrasions heal quickly. Very quickly.

  9. Oh Sherri, OUCH!! I hope that the pain begins to subside soon. <3

    • After I feel and realized I wasn’t seriously injured, I just sort of laid there and laughed. I can only imagine how ridiculous I looked going down. Aches and pains are mostly gone now… thankfully!

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