Oct 152013
 

… the dark kind. And maybe a bit about the nice fluffy kind too.

Do you ever have that feeling like something is wrong? Like the dark cloud is hovering right over your head… reminiscent of Winnie The Pooh?

I have that feeling now. It’s been with me for the past several days. I don’t like it. It’s sort of like calling Murphy to come hang out. Or like wishing bad to happen. I have no idea why I feel this way. It’s happened to me a few times in the past. Sometimes it panned out, others it didn’t. What I mean is that there were times when this feeling hit that something bad did in fact happen. But as I sit and think about it, there are just as many times when I felt this way and nothing bad happened a’tall.

Ignoring the sense doesn’t help. Making light of it doesn’t help.

About the only thing I can do is remember that it’s dumb and senseless and holds no water.

Most of the time… 99% of the time… I am happy and fun and quite charming LOL But occasionally…

Maybe it’s fear of the mammogram looming in my future. Maybe not.

Maybe it’s the celebration of my birth that just passed. Maybe not.

Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe not.

When it hits me, I count up all the good things in my life… all my blessings. Lord knows, my cup runneth over.

Good job.

Loving husband.

Spectacular daughter.

Fantastic grandgirls.

Amazing father.

Beautiful mother.

Quiet MS.

See? All good things. All wonderful things.

Ugh.

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  3 Responses to “On Clouds”

  1. I talked today to my best friend about a nagging feeling over me that’s been there for maybe a month and a half. This feeling is more about me than the outside world, but it is there. Whatever this feeling is that’s been hanging over me for the past month and a half is heavy, heavy enough for me to not only verbalize it but take action. It’s not like the feeling I had early Monday before the Boston Marathon situation. This feeling seems to affect my household. I told my therapist that Monday of the marathon, I said, I don’t feel good, in the pit of my stomach something is wrong, something like 9/11 wrong. Because I have no TV I didn’t find out about what happened at the marathon until two days later.
    I pay attention to the feelings of dread and I pay attention to if the dread feels like it only affects me or if it affects others. I know it sounds weird to say that I felt dread in my stomach, deep in my bones the morning of the Marathon, but its the truth. As a matter of fact, having no TV I didn’t even know there was going to be a marathon that day. I just woke with the worst feeling, the worst ever feeling. And now I have this dread hanging over me, hanging heavily enough for me to take a few precautions.
    I don’t know what your cloud is about but I was struck by the fact that you wrote about it, especially the same day that I spoke to Grace about my own feelings of hanging dread, like something isn’t quite right. I told her I may be picking up little indicators from different things close to me and that those little indicators have added up to the point of conscious concern. This doesn’t have to be classified as a premonition. Behaviors, comments and the like could be what has caused this nagging feeling that something isn’t quite right. I’ve still changed a few things ‘just in case’ whatever I’m feeling/sensing takes place. There is nothing specific that I can identify that might happen but there is an action that I’m drawn to do and so I’ve been doing. It can make a girl feel crazy to say these things openly but (shrugs) its my truth.
    Faith

  2. I hate that! I hope it passes soon with no bad fallout. Sometimes, when I sense something big is going to happen, it takes months before I see anything of it. Hopefully, this won’t be like that. Maybe there’s just a change in the weather that’s throwing you off.

    Either way, I hope the clouds clear soon. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. Sending positivity your way.

  3. I do hope the dark forebodings ease off. Soon.

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