Oct 052012

I find that I am beginning to resemble an Asian boy reaching puberty. Really. It’s not something that I ever gave any thought to in the past… until the past few years. I have a man beard going on. If I didn’t maintain it, I’m sure I would look something like this:

(This is not my actual chin although I fear it will be similar in appearance if this pattern continues)

And if that isn’t bad enough, I have stray hairs growing here & there on my dimpled cheeks, my waddle, out of moles, and one time I found one on the top of my nose! I pluck, shave, pluck, shave…. I have thought of just using bleach but that won’t work. I would just end up with a greyish beard that resembles 40 lb test fishing line growing from my face. The hair is not really hair… it’s more like whiskers. Sharp, rigid whiskers. When I run my hand across my chin/neck area, my hand gets pricked!

Menopause & cycles should be plenty burden for us gals without having to add freakin whiskers to the deal. I mean come on. I have spent countless hours shaving my legs… now I have to add my face to the list? What’s next? My boobs are near my knees, along with my stomach… my eyes are gradually becoming more & more slit-like as my face droops & sags… and now I have to shave my face? When will the injustice end? When?!

I have considered buying one of the various hair removal products as-seen-on-TV but have you noticed how much those bastards cost? I suppose they know that there are many women out there who will be more than happy to pay the price to be rid of fishing line on their face. I’d rather spend Coach’s hard-earned money on the tortilla bowl dealio! He would probably appreciate it more as well.

If things keep up this pace, I’ll be able to find a swell job before big brother decides to approve my disability. I will sign on to be the fat bearded lady that walks funny and can’t always understand what’s going on around her. They can collect $.25 for folks in the crowd to stump me with basic questions as I pace the stage walking like a drunk chicken on LSD. What a deal!

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  11 Responses to “New Job on the Horizon”

  1. the word swap was my very first symptom. i couldn’t retrieve the right word until i said the wrong word – which always started with the same letter and had the same # if syllables. Weird, huh?

    But I don’t have whiskers … yet.

  2. I used to go to the “top” gynecologist in the area, also the man of choice for the Palm Beach crowd. I guess he was used to the tucked and waxed faces of that set, and one day he said–I kid you not–“You might want to wax the hair that’s starting to grow above your upper lip.” He’s not my gynecologist anymore. Oh, and he used to also be the President of the state’s medical association for his specialty. Now I go to female doctor who’s not the President of anything, as far as I know. I like her so much better.

  3. I so wish that I didn’t understand exactly where you are coming from. Sadly I could join arms with you in that drunken waddle/wobble walk. So stylish. Aaargh. Two for the price of one.
    And just to throw another beastly symptom into the mix: for the last little while I can be thinking one word and typing another. WTF? It means that comments I make have to be edited. Every time. It isn’t typo’s either – and I have enough of them. It is brain freeze, or its close cousin.

    • Oh the word swap game…..yeah I do that too… sucks really. Although I can foresee some very interesting posts in the future ha!! I call them brain farts…we think very much alike!

  4. Lovely what happens when estrogen departs! I bought a handy dandy tool for the nurses to use on my mother so they won’t nick her. Now I forget the name of it! It reminds me of the BillyGoats Bluff: ‘Not be the hair on my chinny chin chin!’

    • I remember this man at a nail shop I used to go to… he had about 12 hairs growing out of his chin that were about 4 inches in length…. It was so hard not to ask him why? Why keep it?

  5. Ya, it’s nasty getting old. My face is starting to resemble the Pilsbury Dough Boy, with no eyes, and the boobs are protesting against that super push’em up contraption (the underwire bra). I saw the no!no! Hair removal tool on Ebay for about $100 Bucks.

    • I have searched for no!no!s but haven’t found them that cheap! I’m going to go check it out.

      Thank goodness for great personalities and hearts of gold or we’d be screwed 🙂

  6. Are you really just TRYING to blow this fantasy I have of you up? Women with beards? Please go back to blogging about the flowers out in front of the tin can. Sheeez woman, you’re making it really hard on a guy!
    No pun intended!! LMHAO = laughing my hairy a** off

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