Sep 022010

I am blessed.

I was blessed at the age of 12.

Very blessed.

I woke up one morning and had these two wonderful blessings growing miraculously from my chest. Gee thanks….

Pre-blessings, I didn’t have boyfriends…they weren’t interested in me so much. I was just one of the guys… and I was very involved in my skating. So there wasn’t much time for me to be concerned with the opposite sex. I was pretty darned cute though!

My blessings really kind of messed things up for me. Competitive skating requires these cute little FITTED outfits… you know the kind…tight bodice, flouncy skirt…  so just try to imagine this:

24 inch waist, nice cute round skater’s butt, very well developed legs (still got those), and big, gianormous blessings… I felt like a side-show. Guess I kind of was too. There wasn’t enough wire, duct tape, or ace wraps to keep the blessings still when attempting to a fancy whirly jump thing. And of course, back in the day there was no such thing as sports bras… but those don’t work either.

I heard every joke…

“saw you comin’ before you made it around the corner!!”
“can I have a milkshake?”
and the questions
“can you sleep on your stomach?” etc….

I had lots of admirers from this point forward… I was no longer just one of the guys… they noticed suddenly that, um, I’m a girl. Yep. Full-blown, full-grown, bigger blessings than your momma girl… lucky me.
When I was old enough to date, I didn’t really want to, although I had lots of requests. I knew they only wanted to buy me a burger so they could try and cop a feel of my blessings. Nasty boys… all of ‘em!

As I got older, they continued to grow. I think I had saggy blessings by the age of, oh, 15…. once again, lucky me.

And let me tell you, being pregnant? Wow! I could sit in the bathtub and give my blessings a rest… on my thighs. You read that right – they rested on my thighs… After baby A was born (she was so precious) I had my blessings reduced. I figured one person really didn’t require so many blessings to have a good life, so I got rid of some. Not enough in my opinion… but I guess the doctor was right… any less would’ve looked odd.
Now today, I still am VERY blessed (Coach is happy). And my daughter, goodness gracious, received all the same blessings that I did….

So I just want to say to all you gals out there that think you have little blessings in your life… cherish it! Be grateful! Blessings can be a pain in the neck, the shoulders, the back, and they get all sweaty underneath too (never knew anti-perspirant was for blessings did you?)

*Note: I know that good bloggers are supposed to include pictures with their posts… but, um… Sorry!

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  10 Responses to “My Blessings”

  1. Now that was funny…I feel so blessed, to have read about your blessings…I think that omitting shots of the blessings was probably a blessing, because Coach might have blessed you with a smack on the forehead…lol

  2. I never really had “blessings” until my daughter came…. At 2 months preggers I went from a B to a C and just kept on growing 🙂

  3. Very good writing! I like your blog; it’s not the usual boring stuff.

    • ha! thanks ricky! i must say i’m having a large time writing… one day i might really let loose with my warped lil mind …… and i must say that i really enjoy reading your words as well. You approach things from a different viewpoint than myself and it’s always good to get varying opinions on the hot topics… i do enjoy!

  4. Not to take the spotlight away from your blessings, but my poor daughter was so blessed by age 12 that I paid to have one of her blessings reduced. Not both blessings, just the one that thought it was better to be over-blessed than equally so. My daughter never was much of a skater though, but her blessings attended many a swim team finals during her junior high years.

  5. At the age of 24, I was “blessed” twice by Doctor Smithdeal of Beverly Hills! : )

    • ha! I know many women do that… and had my blessings not been as bountiful I may have done the same… everyone needs a bit of blessing

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