it’s hard to come up with fun stuff to tell you about from my life with #2. i’m sure there was some fun. i’m positive we must’ve laughed and had a grand time – sometime. i’m sure i must’ve loved him at least a bit, or i wouldn’t have married him… right?
i think he was a good guy… deep down inside…. deep, way down. but his friend meth just wouldn’t leave him alone, and vice versa.
when he was using… the days he actually put that junk up his nose or in his pipe were not so bad really. i mean, he didn’t sleep, and he didn’t eat. but he got lots of things done. i could give him a honey-do list a mile long and he’d get it done… and done well, or at least meticulously. he was generous with his attention and affection. he made me feel attractive and sort of valued.
but those days he wasn’t using? those ones spent “coming down”? not so pretty. let me tell you about coming down from a couple week binge of meth. that is a couple weeks of continuous use… a couple weeks with only a few hours sleep total… a couple weeks with no food to speak of.
the first day without meth he would sleep… and he would wake up ravenous…eat everything in site, and drink… diet coke from a fountain was his favorite… i think the carbonation burned the fuzzies off his tongue or something. and then he would sleep again.
the second day… well grumpy replaced meth as his friend. he would lay around fidgety and grumpy. nothing was good or right. nothing i did was good enough. nothing i said was correct… every word out of my mouth was so obviously a lie. not fun….
day three… let me fill you in on day three…. it was BAD. HATEFUL. VENGEFUL. MEAN. EVIL.
here’s an example of day three….(warning… fair warning.. this is not pretty or fun or entertaining…continue at your own risk)
we had a couple of dogs… katie and jessie. katie was an angel. she did no wrong, ever. but jessie on the other hand, well, she was let’s say – high-spirited. i think she had doggy adhd maybe. anyhow, one day number three morning i got up and went to work while #2 was still sleeping. on these days i didn’t go home for lunch – it was better to just stay out of sight. and honestly, i didn’t want to see him or be anywhere near him. anyway… here comes the hard part
i came home from work and found jessie hanged in the living room. yep. you read that right. repulsive i know. and there was trash all over the entire house. everywhere. shredded trash bag, cans, sacks, food remnants… everywhere. and #2 was sitting in front of the television playing grand theft auto. he started yelling at me and blaming me for what he had to do. seems that i left the pantry open when i left for work. jessie helped herself to the trash and had a playday… from the looks of things, she had a very large time. #2 woke up to find this mess and decided the best punishment for her was hanging. so he screwed a large eyebolt in the living room ceiling, fashioned a noose, and hung her. makes me cry to think about it now….even after all these years have gone by…
another example of day number three….
on my way out to work one bright and sunny day number three, #2 asked me to call radio shack because he needed to find out of they had some little fuse or something. i told him he could call from home…i mean he wasn’t going to be at work handling business things and so it might be better for him to call. apparently, he thought it was my job to make his phone calls and gather his information for him. so instead of sparking a fight, i told him i would do my best to call…. unfortunately… can you see it coming?…. i was really busy and didn’t get a chance to call… and honestly, i had forgotten about it until it was too late. damn.
when i got home – i was afraid to go there – the first thing he asked was if i called radio shack. nope. forgot, didn’t have time….no excuse /reason would’ve mattered. #2 went nuts on me. he turned over ALL the furniture in the house. literally upside down with it. things were thrown, broken – i really can’t do it justice. once i thought he had most of it out of his system, i went to the kitchen to start making some dinner. this set him off… you see, i walked away from him before he was through with me. he swiped everything off the kitchen counter, emptied the cabinets of everything he could throw across the room or into the walls… (i bought only plastic kitchen ware after this incident)…. and eventually he had me cornered on the floor … looming over me with a hammer in his hand… threatening to “bash my head in” because maybe that would help me remember to do the things he asked of me….
sickening i know.
i don’t tell these stories for sympathy, empathy, or pity. i don’t tell them for fun.
i tell them because i want everyone to know what meth does. the media is quick to show us pictures of people with rotten teeth, wiry hair, too skinny, sores all over… but they don’t tell us about day number three. they don’t tell us what happens when a meth user stops using for a few days. for me, day number three was the most dangerous part of meth use.
tell me again why i stayed? hmmm…. i don’t know… can’t figure it….