Mar 082010
Mid-life is when  the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us  plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have  wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we  are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you  can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your  rear without turning around..

Mid-life is when you  go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only  time someone will ask you to appear  topless.

Mid-life is when  you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and  scream, ‘Listen, honey, even the Roman empire fell and those  will too.’

Mid-life brings wisdom  to know that life throws us curves and we’re sitting on our  biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your  know-it-all, cellphone carrying teenager and think, ‘For  this I have stretch marks?’

In mid-life your  memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is  water.
Mid-life means  that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand  McNally–more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled  map of Wisconsin .

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You  start pondering the ‘big’ questions. What is life? Why am I  here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before  it’s no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand, and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now or the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we’ve acquired. That’s my philosophy and I’m sticking to it!

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Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  One Response to “mid-life”

  1. Funny as hell….especially the hair-from-legs-to-‘stache bit. So true….oy!

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