i haven’t had any words lately. my brain is not working in a way that allows me to connect thoughts…make sense of point A and point B. don’t get me wrong… i am thinking, but the thoughts are disconnected much of the time. i don’t like this at all. my memory over the past week has been worse than ever. i spend my days going through the motions but without remembering what those motions were 2 minutes later (sometimes 30 seconds later).
i know this is happening because i haven’t been taking that little pink pill – the one that allows me some energy and some memory. it’s funny… folks who know i’m taking the adderall look at it as simply a drug to fight fatigue…a drug that is abused, addictive, and overall bad. yes it is all of those things i suppose. but more than any of that, the little pink pill allowed me to think a bit more clearly. it allowed me to retain things in my memory banks. so without it…well, there’s not much going on up in the noggin.
many random misfires but nothing connects to anything else. i don’t know how else to explain it. the language thing is back again too… the one where i don’t understand words being spoken to me. i hear them but they don’t sound like something i have ever heard before. i can see now that this little pink pill was one of the reasons i was able to keep working. without it, i am useless.
no ability to retain much of anything
in the meantime, i draw. i watch videos. i read blogs and news. i seek for the retention of the words. i read and re-read everything. it’s getting sort of exhausting. i find it hard to make comments because much of the time i can’t make a lot of sense out of what i’m reading. that makes me sad. very sad. my mind is the one thing about myself that i was really proud of. it’s the part of me that was special and stood out.
i guess maybe it’s time to start taking some little pink pills again? as much as i hate the idea of it i think that i must. before i become even more of a slug and less of a person.