Jul 172012
 

i haven’t had any words lately. my brain is not working in a way that allows me to connect thoughts…make sense of point A and point B. don’t get me wrong… i am thinking, but the thoughts are disconnected much of the time. i don’t like this at all. my memory over the past week has been worse than ever. i spend my days going through the motions but without remembering what those motions were 2 minutes later (sometimes 30 seconds later).

i know this is happening because i haven’t been taking that little pink pill – the one that allows me some energy and some memory. it’s funny… folks who know i’m taking the adderall look at it as simply a drug to fight fatigue…a drug that is abused, addictive, and overall bad. yes it is all of those things i suppose. but more than any of that, the little pink pill allowed me to think a bit more clearly. it allowed me to retain things in my memory banks. so without it…well, there’s not much going on up in the noggin.

many random misfires but nothing connects to anything else. i don’t know how else to explain it. the language thing is back again too… the one where i don’t understand words being spoken to me. i hear them but they don’t sound like something i have ever heard before. i can see now that this little pink pill was one of the reasons i was able to keep working. without it, i am useless.

no focus

no concentration

no ability to retain much of anything

in the meantime, i draw. i watch videos. i read blogs and news. i seek for the retention of the words. i read and re-read everything. it’s getting sort of exhausting. i find it hard to make comments because much of the time i can’t make a lot of sense out of what i’m reading. that makes me sad. very sad. my mind is the one thing about myself that i was really proud of. it’s the part of me that was special and stood out.

i guess maybe it’s time to start taking some little pink pills again? as much as i hate the idea of it i think that i must. before i become even more of a slug and less of a person.

 

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  6 Responses to “little pink pills”

  1. I feel for you, girlfriend and wish your health was better! You better start taking that ‘Little Pink Pill’ again, darn you! (……..I take a pill too, by the way, but mine is a ‘Little Blue Pill’……..and mine keeps me HAPPY………..and keeps me from divorcing ‘Hairyman’ ……..and keeps me from quitting my job!) …….well that and the Vodka, anyway! :):) Hugs!

  2. sending you love…don’t be too hard on yourself…you are doing just fine, from my perspective! follow what your body is telling you to do… xo

  3. If the little pink pill works, then you should take it. If you are like me, you don’t like taking lots of meds, but there are some things that you need. If you know it works for you, then take it.

    Love reading your blog.

  4. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, Sherri, it must be hell. God bless and do what is right for you. If that’s little pink pills, then it’s little pink pills xxx

  5. Maybe you should try some brain training exercises. There are all kinds of them on the net. A lot are geared specifically to memory, concentration and comprehension. How about yoga and meditation? I have found since I have been practicing all of the aforementioned, my mind is sharper. I guess you know all about the nasty side effects of Adderall? It’s a personal choice, but I wouldn’t take that stuff if someone paid me!

    • i have been doing all the things you mention… well except for the yoga…it’s on my agenda. i have been meditating for years and years. brain games i started doing when i was dx’d… i’m sure they are helping. i guess more than anything, i’m really noticing the difference without the medication and i don’t like it at all. it’s a huge difference. i suppose maybe i didn’t realize how much my mind has changed with this disease since i was taking the little pills and now… well, now i see the difference…. bleh

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