This week has been full of running around and trying to get things done. All in the name of getting a job.
Monday morning I met with my new boss-man. I think I might have mentioned that. Then this past Wednesday was my appointment with human resources and employee health. It was a long process. Employee health was first up. Drug screen, TB skin test, and a copy of my immunizations. In preparation for my drug screen, I was sure to drink plenty of fluids so I would be able to pee on command without the concern of having the dribble, splash, dribble, stop, dribble, squeeze, just one more drop…squeeze problem. So……
I arrived at employee health and signed in as per their instructions. The very nice lady gave me a packet of forms to fill out while I was waiting for my turn. I filled out about 25 forms, and then I REALLY had to pee….bad. I turned in my forms and asked the very nice lady if I could use the restroom. She said no. NO. She told me the tech was going to be calling my name in a minute or so. Well, about 5 more minutes went by… I was pacing, bouncing, moaning, and basically doing everything in my power not to pee right there on the floor of the waiting room. The others in the room were feeling my distress. I went and tapped on the very nice lady’s glass and let her know that things were quite desperate. About that time the tech guy finally came to get me. He escorted me to the exam room and started getting paperwork lined up on the counter, then proceeded to start going through a questionnaire. I politely interrupted him and said “I HAVE TO PEE!” He let me know that we have to follow protocol and answer some questions, initial some things, then I can go pee. By that time I was bending over, hands on my knees, and really moaning. I then told him that I was fixing to pee all over his floor. He quickly, and finally, grabbed the pee cup and took me to the restroom. Now because this was a drug screen, there were instructions to be given. I don’t recall ever knowing a person who talks slower than that tech did in that moment. Holy cow. He squirt the blue stuff in the toilet so I couldn’t dilute my sample with the bowl water, then he shut off the water to the sink so I couldn’t use that water either. While he was seeing to those tasks, I was unbuckling, unzipping, and shimmying out of my pants… Then he left the room. Before the door was closed behind him, I was already assuming the hover position. And let me tell you, that was the best pee of my life… even if it was in a little cup that I caused to overflow.
After that, it was back to the exam room for the TB skin test and the examination of my shot records. I have my original shot records from when I was just a wee little thing. Back in those days, there was no line to record the MMR immunizations. “Measles” was handwritten in with the date and doctor’s name. Because it only said measles, and because I’m required to have the MMR vaccine to work in a healthcare setting, I was told to go see my doc and ask for a titer, and while I was there I might as well ask for the chicken pox titer too. I know I had the chicken pox… I remember it quite clearly. Anyway….I’m really hoping the MMR titer is good because according to the resources, I shouldn’t have a live vaccine of any kind. I would hate to wake the beast up.
I finally finished up with employee health after 1 ½ hours and was sent over to human resources. More paperwork, a photograph, and a take home packet of quizzes for orientation. All said and done, I was at the support services building for about 3 hours. Sheesh! I left with instructions to return at 7:45 Friday morning (today) for my physical and to read the TB test. I also called my personal doc and got in that afternoon for the blood work.
This morning I made it a bit early for the reading of the test and PT test. This would prove to be a 5 hour morning… I don’t know that I’ve ever had to jump through so many hoops for a job… not even when I worked at the cop shop! I can’t believe I made it through the PT test….
Here is the list of tasks I performed with no breaks in between:
- 5 minutes on the hand peddler
- 5 minutes on a treadmill at 3mph
- 5 minutes on a stationary bike
- 2 minutes on a step – step up, step down stuff
- push a 50lb box about 10 feet
- pull the same box back to starting position
- lift a 50lb box from the ground to waist level using proper body mechanics
- lift and carry a 30lb box for 10 feet, turn around and carry it back
- lift the 30lb box and place it on a shelf at waist level
- lift a 20lb box from the ground and place it on a shelf above my head
- then it was range of motion – arms, shoulders, legs, neck, hips, waist
And I did all that with no breaks. And I didn’t fail. My muscles held up the entire time!
All my test results have come back: drug screen – clear, TB skin test – negative, background check – good.
I start work Monday.
I am very excited about this job. My new position is Emergency Management Coordinator at the largest physician-owned hospital/healthcare complex in the nation. Yay me!