Mar 242011
 

>no… not microsoft… although i do have microsoft too ha

multiple sclerosis.
it hit me again last night.
not a relapse, not new symptoms…but the thought.
 as i was driving home last night i passed a hospice care facility…it’s very nice…
 and it made me stop and think….

this wasn’t just any ol’ facility… there was a blog i used to read about a man here in Austin who had PPMS… his partner took care of him for as long as he could – but eventually he was placed in hospice…the one i drive past…and he has died… and when i pass this place i think of him… i think of multiple sclerosis… i think of dying… i think of what’s going to happen to me… i think of coach… i think of ending up in hospice…

and i cry

stupid.

stupid…
why do i do that to myself? why not just turn up the radio and sing along with KC & the Sunshine Band or something?

when i say i have ms it doesn’t have much of an impact on me..when i say i have MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS it’s different…it’s like saying it fully without abbreviations has more meaning…

and it sinks in more…

i’m afraid.
that’s normal.
i’m deeply afraid.
i push the fear down.
i refuse to acknowledge it most of the time.
it’s like acid reflux coming back up to haunt me though.
when i least expect it…. or when i drive by hospice….

the mess that is my mind

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

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