Jun 192011
 

i have always held life in my hands as being precious
holding it delicately as the universe spins around me
if all beings held life as precious,
anger and war and devastation would disappear
please tell me that you have held it as dearly as i…

i held life

as i look forward i continue to hold onto this life as though it is the ultimate gift… the one gift that most of us overlook… the one gift we long for when it’s coming to an end…

when life changes, when we begin to look back on the things we held dear…. i hope that i will see that i

held

life

and love

and compassion

and death

and fear

and loneliness

as delicately, with as much reverence as all things deserve….

held…

…up

…in

…over

…back

…onto

… in awe

held

in my heart as closely as possible….living in the moment… right now… only now

this beast, MS, it has reminded me of just how precious life is… not that i’m dying or anything… ok, well, we are ALL dying…every day we are dying… but what i mean to say is that i’m not dying because of my illness…yet….

i guess what i’m really trying to say is that i spent 45 years taking life for granted…walking without thought… thinking clearly… learning easily… feeling good…   i spent so much wasted time moaning and groaning about things that were so utterly irrelevant in the grand scheme of things… and now…well now, i would give my hind teeth to have a day where i just felt good… just good… i’m not even asking for great… only good….

i’m not complaining… i have made up my mind to do little complaining… i’m choosing to live in as much harmony with the beast as possible… it’s here, it’s in me, it controls much of what i can and cannot do… acceptance… got it….

but that doesn’t mean that i don’t spend each day wishing to feel good… get up and walk straight…. no headache… no tingly, spangly, crampy stuff…. but i know that this is now my new feeling good…. i’ll grow accustomed to it all… in fact, i already am… it’s just a part of my daily life now….

this is all meant to be positive…. i promise… somehow coming to terms with life as it is… i’m happy… truly happy…in my heart…. and i will continue to hold on to that happiness…. i have so many things that are wonderful and magical in my world…. those are the things that i remind myself of always….

p.s. it’s hotter than a whore in church!

#e5e5e5; padding-top: 0.8em;">Ciao, 

 

 

 

 

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  8 Responses to “have you held it”

  1. Sherri, thank you for such a thoughtful post. Thank you for reminding me how good that I have it. Thank you for being such a strong person and sharing your walk with us.

  2. why is my picture a creature with horns? not that I don’t have any – just wondering where my usual profile pic is. Cute little bugger.

    • the cute little monster!! it’s the default icon… if you “sign in” when leaving a comment it will use whatever profile pic you use 😉

  3. Sherri, this post stopped my heart and made me realize I complain too much and have misplaced the feeling that (my) life is precious. You are a blessed teacher. I don’t us want to be two ships that pass in the night – when we are both rich ($$) we must hobble like we do and meet, hug & talk way into the night. But we are rich in all things important,this i know.

    • it’s funny how things come around like this…. i joined this site called one word…. each day they post a single word and you write about it for one minute… this post and the previous one titled belief are from the writing prompts….

      sometimes it’s easy to forget that life is beautiful… when we spend so much time suffering from what ails us, it’s easy to lose sight….

      i was very happy with how these two posts turned out… they were sort of a stream of consciousness so that helped me realize that these thoughts are with me…. i just have to uncover them once again

    • p.s. and we will be meeting!! hopefully before we are hobbling ha!

  4. Yes I have…No less than three times I have held it. But yet here I am ! I continue to hold onto this life as though it is the ultimate gift, because every time life seems to escape me, I receive another blessing.
    Anger, war, devastation will disappear when our maker takes us home. Until then enjoy the ride and be grateful for all the blessings. What you hold or held is what is up to the person. Life,love, compassion, death, fear,and loneliness are life. Acceptance is the key to a better life. None of these are delicate. A strong person adapts ,and only then can see the blessings, or the good that is waiting. The deserve part I am unsure about. Sometimes I think of all the bad I have done and feel is this what I deserve. Yea probably
    , but then I see way worse situations than I have seen. To really great people that deserve no less than total joy. So now fall back on a purpose.Living in the moment would imply no acceptance to the past. Or even what you know is to come. Without accepting what you have,how would or could you benefit another? Yea there is a beast and we are all dying, but to choose to accept your past to benefit others.Well maybe that could be a purpose? In the grand scheme of things, who ever said that life would be easy or enjoyable at all times? Sometimes a person needs to complain or be unhappy to see where they are needed. Only you can control the beast. When we are in heaven all suffering will be gone and we can sit by the fishing hole and discuss who we didn’t help when we had the chance. You are making a difference in so many ways that you will never know. God Bless you and I pray that you will have a great day tomorrow !

    • oh my good friend mark….

      i love it when i write something that you respond to… i know you think about my words and respond with such meaning…

      and thank you for your kind thoughts… i hope that i make a difference… it’s okay if i never know what that difference is…. as long as it’s happening… isn’t that what most of us want? to make a difference some how?

      i look forward to sitting next to that fishing hole with you one day!

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

(required)

%d bloggers like this: