Mar 212011
 

MS has been interesting as far as personal relationships go. i find that people who have been in my life forever have all but disappeared. my best friend … i called her when i found out about my MS and i haven’t heard from her since…. i sent her a few texts about a month ago and we chatted that way for a few minutes…. but we haven’t talked…i have to wonder….

she has been my best friend for 21 years… and she just went away… at a time when i needed her most… i didn’t need her to lean on or to depend on… just someone who knew me so well that i could talk to… process through this shit…. but she wasn’t there for that….

i tell myself that maybe she doesn’t know what to do with my disease…okay, that’s not it…she doesn’t have to DO anything…just go on being my friend… listen to me, cry with me, and then find joy with me again…. over the years we have been close mentally/emotionally…not always in contact but over the years it’s been as if we just sort of know when the other is in need…. i would have this feeling that i needed to call her or vice versa…and generally we were right about that feeling…

we have both had ups and downs…we have both been through rough marriages, finances, child-rearing, and other downs of life…. we have also been there to celebrate each others’ victories… but nothing in life has compared to this MS crap…. and she’s gone….

on the other hand…

i have found so many other people out there that care for me, pray for me, think of me…people that i would never have thought of as standing behind me, supporting me… and then there are those people that i don’t even know in real life who are huge supporters… i get words of wisdom, thoughts, prayers, and good feelings from daily…

funny how a major life changing event will change what i thought of as the most solid and stable areas of my life… part of the learning process…part of life… somewhat heart-breaking…but that’s okay…

i know i will hear from my best friend eventually… and it won’t have anything to do with MS…it will be at a time when she needs her friend….and although that’s a bit messed up, i will be there for her… i understand that MS is a big one… it’s a tough one for anyone to swallow…

and if i’m wrong, if she never returns…well, i remind myself that nothing is permanent… that is probably the most important lesson i have ever learned… everything changes, nothing remains the same…. nothing… and that’s okay…. mostly….

 

the mess that is my mind

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

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