May 072013
 

I find myself spending more time in front of my bathroom mirror than I have spent there in my entire life. I’m a pretty low maintenance gal and have never been one to primp much. I don’t wear much makeup… only a bit of eye shadow & mascara. My hair styles have always been quick & easy. So these past months of hanging out in front of the mirror are new to me… and such an incredible waste of time! You may or may not be wondering why I’m taking up residence in front of the mirror. I will tell you… it’s not because I’m spending loads of time admiring my own beauty. Nope. I’m not enjoying the time at all.

This part of my life that makes men pause… o… well, I have whiskers that require daily plucking. And I think they must surely be fornicating on my face because I’m continuously finding new ones that weren’t there yesterday. Bastards! There is an obstacle to plucking that is also age related, or MS related, or maybe both.

Tri-focals.

Having 3 fields of vision is not at all conducive to plucking. Trying to get the head tilt, chin lift at just the right angle so as to have everything in focus enough to see the wiry little black bastards is quite tricky. Not to mention that when the appropriate head position is found and things are in focus, my big arse head blocks any and all light that was illuminating said wiry little black bastards. And I lose them. I can’t find them. I can feel them stabbing my fingertips as I run my hand over my face… but I can’t see them to grab hold and pull those babies out. The most difficult ones to find and get into focus are those growing out of my waddle… you know, that extra chin or 3 that has magically appeared… not only does it appear the waddle is fertile ground for wiry black bastards, the waddle is also not a fan of breathing. Pft.

Whiskers are not my only problem causing me to spend way too much time looking at myself. There is another culprit that never in my wildest dreams did I think would be a problem for me.

I have great skin. I always have. Not too dry, not too oily. I never in my life had acne or anything remotely similar. Don’t get me wrong, I had the occasional growth about a week before that time of the month but that’s about it. But now? Holy cow. I have pock marks, pimples, bumps, blackheads… and you know something else? Those things always seem to grow in the creases and folds of the face making it near impossible to rectify the situation.

So…

Between pubic hair growing out of my face & neck, and these gawd awful skin eruptions I find that I’m spending more and more time in front of the mirror in an effort to look normal. There is nothing more disgusting than a bearded woman with big ass white heads everywhere.

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  5 Responses to “Face Time”

  1. Oh no! Is it bad that this post made me laugh (somewhat in recognition?). WTH is up with hairs growing?? I’m losing it on my head (and ELSEWHERE) and gaining it in all sorts of unwelcome spots. SH!T!

  2. A magnifying mirror? Eek! But necessary, perhaps, I am truly sorry for your angst at this late stage adolescence (except for the whiskers, that is.) The whiskers are just weird.

  3. L.M.A.O.

  4. Snap. And hiss and spit.

  5. Get yourself one of those super magnifying mirrors. Mine has helped a little.

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