Mar 132013

Give me just one pillow of the flattened variety… not too fluffy… no bounce please – you know what I mean… those pillows that when your head hits it for the night your head bounces back up creating the danger of whip lash… those pillows that resemble a moon walk bouncy house thing. Not for me. I need just one fairly flat bendable, mold-able style pillow. All those other styles give me headaches. I wake up after sleeping on a moon walk with horrible cricks in my neck and a headache to match.

That being said, there is one huge disadvantage to having a flat pillow. And I’m thinking it’s a big girl problem. You see, when a person sleeps with a flattened pillow there is no incline so your head is pretty level with the heart which should be all good & healthy for the spine/neck alignment elements of sleep. You’d think. But here’s the problem… when sleeping inclineless, all my fluffy goodness tends to bunch up all under my chin creating an airway blockage. I know, shitty right? Just when I’m dozing off and am somewhere between that hazy dreamlike perfection and coma status, I choke… I can’t breathe. My airway is completely compressed disallowing any flow of the much needed oxygen enriched life sustaining air. My fluffy goodness creeps its way towards the natural curve of my neck and molds itself to fit perfectly in that crook of my neck just under my chin. Even the waddle isn’t enough to block the fluff, which would at least create a pocket allowing the airway to remain in its functioning state.

So for all of you out there, women mostly but I’m sure there are some men too, who have always dreamed of having nice perky fluffiness with which to enhance the “natural” curves of the vessel… those of you desiring that classic hour glass figure requiring the 18 hour bra… get over it. I’m telling you… breathing is much more important. I promise. Oh, and speaking of the 18 hour very expensive, need to take out a loan to buy one, 18 hour bras…. L-brackets and duct tape are much more efficient at keeping all that fluffy goodness positioned where the good Lord intended. As an added bonus, the bracket/tape combo also solves the slipping bra strap issue… and these days duct tape comes in so many pretty designer colors with pretty hip designs.

Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

  5 Responses to “Big Girl Problem”

  1. Maybe you didn’t intend for me to laugh and I held it together until the L-brackets and duct tape, but that’s where I lost it. Thanks tor the laugh.

  2. I wouldn’t know about any of that — I only got the bottom half of the hourglass.

  3. I hear you. And I love the L bracket and duct tape solution. How do they get away with charging several arms and legs for a bra? I know, because they can. Hiss and spit.

  4. I don’t have that problem, my fluffy goodness falls sideways, more towards the armpits. LOL Fluffy goodness isn’t so fluffy after menopause.

  5. ::snicker:: I usually use two pillows, one bunched up under my head, one to my side to smoosh up under… hmm. Not fluffy goodness. Ohhhh, I know… one squished up next to me so the manatees can rest comfortably, too.

    I have to custom order bras. Mine are a J cup. It’s a pain.

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