Jan 102011
 

>those who know me in real life … well they know just how twisted my mind is…hence, messy mind…sounds better than twisted mind… maybe not ha!

anyhow, i wanted to share with you my favorite funnies…. they are dark, twisted, sick… but gosh i just love them:

  • If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
  • If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
  • Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I’m gone, but you know what I’ve left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it’s head with a note that says “You.” After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
  • If you’re robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it’s okay to laugh, and let your hostages laugh too, because come on – life is funny.
  • Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
  • The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
  • Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants
  • If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that’s what REALLY throws you into a panic.
  • To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks.  
Being an adult is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

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